Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of this generation and its reliability on technology. In fact, my husband and I have had multiple conversations about how we don't want Blake to grow up with that image. (You know, the one where it's perfectly okay to stare at a tiny screen all day like an emotionless robot.) I would give my hubby talks consistently about setting the phone down and playing with our son instead. I feel very passionately about societies downward spiral into technology and being "connected" yet so disconnected.
Despite all of my "we will never have video games in our house" and "smart phones are of the devil" views, I had a personal understanding that scrolling through my news feed on Facebook while I was feeding my child his bottle was perfectly acceptable. Why wouldn't it be? It was downtime. It was time when your baby was perfectly content just laying there, being fed. What else are you going to do to fill your time?
I can't express how wrong these views are (not to scrutinize those parents who do that because I was one of them and all I am trying to offer right now is a different point of view).
My husband handles all the morning feedings and I'm the designated night girl. Every night without fail, I would prop my sweet baby boy up on his nursing pillow, pull the bottle from the warmer and pop it in his mouth with one hand, the other providing a swift and familiar motion, delivering my iPhone to my sight. It was an instant motion, a reflex almost. My husband and I have done this since our son was a newborn. It was an unspoken rule that it was a sort of sanity keeper through those long nights (which, it totally was)!
One particular night, I went through all the usual motions I do when I get ready to feed him his nighttime feeding. But this time, when I went to pull out my phone, something stopped me. A voice told me no. I ignored it for a minute but then realized I wouldn't die without my five minutes of phone time and decided to humor the voice. I watched my son as he chugged his milk and started to feel emotion overtake me. I was taken back to the first time I nursed him and he looked up at me with those beautiful eyes and just stared. It was the sweetest moment and I must have forgotten all about it.
This time was slightly different...he was much older but I couldn't get him to look at me. I tried re positioning him so that he was facing towards me but he still looked down his bottle. Right then, it hit me. He was so used to my husband and I staring at our phones instead of him while we fed him that he didn't even waste his time looking up at us. It was completely normal to him and this broke my heart.
I'm not a singer by any means but I believe every child thinks their mother has a beautiful voice. So I started brushing his cheeks and singing softly. He looked up at me innocently and kept my gaze the rest of the feeding. We shared that nursing bond I remembered again. By the time he was done, my eyes were filled with tears.
I was so mad at myself for wasting all those months feeding him bottles and thinking that "liking" so and so's posts was more important. I was mad at myself for feeling like those feeding times were opportunities where he wasn't paying attention to anything but his bottle. I was mad at myself for thinking only nursing is what connects you to your baby through feeding.
I was so mad that I NEVER got on my phone while feeding him again. And now, we share a very special bond every night before he goes to bed. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.
We live in a universe so overcome by technology that we miss things we didn't know we could miss in the first place. I just want to put this out there for anyone who is missing these sweet moments because it's too easy to do in the mist of "connection" surrounding us.
